


i wish i said it sooner

by arsatine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Forgive Me, I didn't wanna kill Yams but it was more angsty if he died, I love Yamaguchi okay, I'm Sorry, M/M, Other, Sad, lotsa angst, sad tsukishima, super angsty I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 23:52:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10559820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsatine/pseuds/arsatine
Summary: He'll never get to see his stupid smile again the one that never seemed to fail to make Tsukishima blush, his freckles that seems to create constellations and sparkle across his skin, he'll never hear his stupid nickname come out of Yamaguchi's sweet voice.Never again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had this angst reading spree and I wanted to return the favor. I'm so so sorry bc I didn't want to kill Yams but it would be much more angsty so yeahhhhh

_"Tsukki!"_

_"What is it, Yamaguchi?"_

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were inseparable. Everyone saw that and everyone knew that. Yamaguchi was one of the special people that really had a place in Tsukishima's heart, and even though Tsukishima wasn't as affectionate or caring publicly like Yamaguchi, the freckled boy knew that Tsukki shared the same feelings about him.

How they both protected each other even from themselves, and even though other people might not notice it but Tsukishima showed that he cared for Yamaguchi in the subtlest of ways.

If you watched them closely, you'd notice that Tsukishima would stop and wait for Yamaguchi whenever he noticed that the gap between them was too big; or that Tsukishima would wear his headphones whenever they'd leave school with the team, but the blond boy would remove it when it was only the two of them.

Yamaguchi Tadashi was irreplaceable in Tsukishima's life. He was Tsukki's the center of Tsukishima's world, the apple of his eye, the love of his life.

_"Yamaguchi, are you going to practice your float serves again?"_

So when they heard what happened to Yamaguchi, most of the team's thoughts immediately went to Tsukishima. When Takeda-sensei said it to the team, Tsukishima was absent that day.

_"Are you going to sleep over today?"_

He probably already knew.

Nobody couldn't imagine the pain Tsukishima was going through. He didn't attend the service for Yamaguchi even though people from other schools attended, people who knew and befriended Yamaguchi, people who had experienced the boy's happiness.

_"I'll treat you to french fries after school. The super floppy ones."_

* * *

 

Kei? I need to tell you something." Tsukishima's mother knocked on his door, voice heavy. "Please sit down. It may be a bit shocking."

Tsukishima furrowed his brows in confusion but did as his mom said. "Did something happen?"

"Kei, I-" Tsukishima's mother burst into tears. "I'm so so sorry. Kei, Y-Yamaguchi, he's-" Tsukishima froze. Even though his mom hadn't finished her sentence yet, he knew exactly what she was going to say.

"He's gone."

He felt tears streaming down his face but he didn't bother to wipe them. "H-how? Mom, how?"

He mom lifted her head, face streaked with tears. "He went t-to his g-grandparents thi-this weekend, right? A-a drunk driv– Oh, Kei! I'm s-so sorry!"

A cold fist clenched his heart. A drunk driver. That's who killed his best friend. A drunk bastard, had ended the life of his happy Yamaguchi. A fucking drunk.

Tsukishima stood up, without a word, silently crying and walked up the stairs back to his room. He punched the wall in frustration.

_"Tsukki! Do you want to get some cake later?"_

_"Tsukki!"_

_"Gomen Tsukki!"_

Why. Why of all the 2.3 million people in Miyagi is it that Yamaguchi's car was hit? It was probably so selfish of him, but at that moment, Tsukishima wished that it was another person that got hit. Instead of Yamaguchi. Anyone.

He'll never get to see his stupid smile again the one that never seemed to fail to make Tsukishima blush, his freckles that seems to create constellations and sparkle across his skin, he'll never hear his stupid nickname come out of Yamaguchi's sweet voice.

Never again.

Tsukishima wished that he didn't wait. He wished that as soon as he realized his feelings, he had confessed. But no, he had to wait. Wait for what? The perfect fucking time? All his waiting and it just slipped right through his fingers.

He was supposed to confess to Tadashi as soon as he came back from his trip to his grandparents. He was supposed to tell Yamaguchi that he liked- no, loved him. He wanted to be able to tell Yamaguchi that he loved him, pepper his face with kisses, and just be happy with him. No matter the consequences.

Was it too much to ask for?

_"You're so cool, Tsukki!"_

You're the cool one.

I'm lame.

Pathetic.

* * *

 

"Kei, we're going to the memorial already. Are you sure you don't want to come?" Akiteru asked for the thid time that day.

Kei didn't answer, he was facing the wall, hugging his pillow just like Yamaguchi used to, and completely ignored anyone who tried to talk to him.

He had locked himself in his room for over a week already, only eating the food his family brought up to him. His blinds were shut and he didn't know whether it was morning or evening anymore.

It wasn't like he cared anyway.

_"Tsukki, you really like dinosaurs huh?"_

He had lost sight of what was important to him. He suddenly didn't care about his future, school, volleyball, anything.

He, as others had begun to describe him, had died inside.

Everyone knew that Yamaguchi was important to Tsukishima but no realized that he was the one keeping Tsukishima able.

They had assumed that Yamaguchi was only trailing behind Tsukishima like a puppy but they hadn't bothered to notice that it was the other way around.

Whenever Tsukishima was sure that no one was at Yamaguchi's grave, he would go out, those were the only times he ever did since, wearing his headphones playing Yamaguchi's favorite songs, and carrying a cup of floppy french fries.

When he had reached Yamaguchi's grave, he would sit on the ground and talk, talk as if Yamaguchi was there.

No one had dared or even think of Tsukishima being crazy because they knew- no, they had realized how much Yamaguchi meant to him. And they couldn't even imagine his pain.

_"Yamaguchi, how are you holding up there?_

_Are you still playing volleyball?_

_I brought you floppy french fries again. Your favorite._

_I miss you a lot."_

Tsukishima would go on and on for hours, sometimes he wouldn't even realize that he had already begun to cry. But he felt safe, comfortable.

And everytime, before he would go back home, he would say the same words as a farewell.

_"I love you, Tadashi._

_I'm sorry. I wished I should have said I sooner._

_I'll see you tomorrow."_


End file.
